guilty conscience fashion blog

aurelie bidermann

Chubby

2015-05-24 at 11-00-54 Parrot Cay, Turks & Caicos

My Grandma called me chubby yesterday. Not as an insult, but as a kind of loving remark as she embraced me goodbye. It sucked. I’ve always prided myself, on being the girl that doesn’t order the salad at the restaurant, that can’t contribute to the conversations about spinning or whatever the fuck the next fitness trend is, by being the one that just doesn’t care. Still, my positive body image wasn’t strong enough to take a comment from my sweet elderly relative. On the ride home, I began to wonder what people saw when they looked at me, and if their perception different from my own? I kept showing my mother images of girls asking “is she chubby?”, “how about her?”, forming some sort of scale and placing my recently discovered stats within her answers. Even though comparing yourself to others, I know is never the answer. Was I so oblivious, that I was the last one to find out I was fat by society’s standards? That was my fear, even though I wanted so badly not to give a shit.

I always tread a fine line between embracing my body and the freedom that entails (CHEESEBURGERS), and the desire to be disciplined and healthy, to wear what I want every morning because fat days simply wouldn’t exist. But which is more important, my integrity or my health? Also don’t get me wrong, staying healthy is a priority, but juicing is rarely used with that as a motive if you catch my drift. Health is the alibi, but skinny culture is the true motivation. So what does a girl do? Shrug off the “chubby” comment, order pizza and call it a day, or finish writing this post grab some cereal and go run 3 miles?  Does loving oneself, mean allowing yourself everything, or allowing yourself what is probably best for you? I wish I could end this post with a definite answer, with a pizza or cereal, but I can’t. Today I am leaning towards discipline and that has everything to do with my grandma’s comment even though I wish it didn’t. I will be an anarchist of skinny culture that conforms for her own health and happiness, and that is ok. Here’s is the truth, no matter your size, there will always be sweet grandmas or judgemental assholes who will give you their 2 cents about the way you look. I guess the answer really is doing what makes you happiest, not what you believe is pleasing others. That goes for all of you juicers and cheeseburger eaters out there. This way the next time someone calls you chubby you won’t pretend you don’t care, you truly won’t give a fuck. On that note, here are some semi-clothed pictures of me! Ironic or perfectly fitting, I’m not sure, but I guess either way it makes sense. 2015-05-24 at 11-04-06 2015-05-24 at 10-59-23 2015-05-24 at 11-05-30 2015-05-24 at 11-00-19 2015-05-24 at 11-02-09 2015-05-24 at 11-05-49 2015-05-24 at 11-01-29 2015-05-24 at 11-03-10 2015-05-24 at 10-58-07 That was way more serious then intended

Ecua-Andino Panama hat, Alexander McQueen scarf, Ray Ban Clubmasters, H&M kimono, Victoria’s Secret bathing suit, Aurelie Bidermann cuff, Rag & Bone shorts, and Hermes sandals.

It’s A Beach Of A Livin’

2014-08-28 at 21-45-06
Santa Monica, California

I am currently in Miami for our Canadian turkey weekend rocking a radioactive sunburn and attempting to pass it up as a tan. It hurts so bad, but the camouflage seems to be working. This takes me back to the last time I had a slight case of the lobsters while on our California adventure after spending the day surfing in Santa Monica. Though the conditions weren’t great I was so happy to finally ride a wave on the West Coast. After drinking tons of salt water, we headed to dinner at Giorgio Baldi (YUM), then dressed up as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to protect the people and do some sketchy carnival rides (all of which has been documented on my Instagram account). Now that should have been an #OOTD! Michelango 4 Life y’all! What a good day that was. 2014-08-28 at 21-49-23 2014-08-28 at 21-47-06 2014-08-28 at 21-52-21 2014-08-28 at 21-51-30 2014-08-28 at 21-48-36 2014-08-28 at 21-43-54 2014-08-28 at 21-45-23 2014-08-28 at 21-52-25 2014-08-28 at 21-46-42 2014-08-28 at 21-43-36

2014-08-28 at 21-54-37 Daisy Vision

Akira sunglasses, Dior “Mise-En-Dior” earrings,  For Love & Lemons dress, Chanel bag and sandals,  bracelets and watch from Cartier, Aurélie Bidermann, and Sydney Evan (similar).

Market Street Bandit

2014-08-22 at 12-49-08 San Francisco, California

A month ago my wonderful husband surprised me with my dream road trip for my birthday! The California coast, just him and I for two weeks, I was in heaven. This was our first day post arrival in San Fan, a city I have never visited, but couldn’t wait to discover. Being a big fan of the psychedelic movement, to be in the mecca where it all pretty much began was pretty fucking badass. Therefore I decided to dress like a badass…not really. Chanel’s Paris/Dallas collection had burned a hole in my wallet, so I figured why not do this theme right. So I present to you Calamity “Desperado” Rose, my cowgirl alter ego, or so says this Cowboy Name Generator. 2014-08-22 at 12-47-40 2014-08-22 at 12-54-53 2014-08-22 at 12-48-04 2014-08-22 at 12-55-50 2014-08-22 at 13-01-10 2014-08-22 at 13-00-48 2014-08-22 at 12-55-49 2014-08-22 at 12-51-22 2014-08-22 at 12-52-36 2014-08-22 at 12-49-31 2014-08-22 at 12-56-20 2014-08-22 at 12-55-45 Thank you Chanel, for making me a cowboy

Porsche Design aviators, Kate Moss for Topshop jacket, Chanel Paris/Dallas scarf and booties, One Teaspoon shirt, Givenchy necklace, bracelets and watch by David Yurman and Cartier, Nasty Gal and Betty Ray rings, Siwy denim shorts, and Balmain “Pierre” bag.

“took 45 minutes to get all dressed up”

2014-05-28 at 14-44-34 Paris, France

…but contrary to Beyonce’s situation we did make it to the club. The Crazy Horse in Paris to be more precise. Part burlesque strip joint, part acrobatic dance show, this spectacle surely makes for a titillating evening, no wonder Miss. B “borrowed” their routines for her Partition video and tour. After countless visits of the city of lights and staying right across the street at the George V, it was time I finally visit my topless neighbours at the “Cheval Fou”. I was a super grumpy gal getting ready for our evening, and refused to pose for our usual pictures. My loving husband did the best he could with what I wasn’t giving him, so here is a first on Conscience Coupable, me being super unprofessional and actually candid. 2014-05-29 at 01-53-40 2014-05-28 at 14-40-34 2014-05-28 at 14-43-07 2014-05-28 at 14-41-03 2014-05-28 at 14-44-47 2014-05-28 at 14-40-40 2014-05-28 at 14-51-24 2014-05-28 at 14-40-50 2014-05-28 at 14-44-21 One Woman Glam Team, Angry Woman Glam Team

H&M Conscience Collection lace dress, Mikimoto PEARL EARRINGS, Aurelie Bidermann  LACE CUFF, Agent Provocateur stockings, and Christian Louboutin Impera PUMPS (SIMILAR).