guilty conscience fashion blog

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Weight of the Heavens

New York, New York

..and just like that our time in Miami is soon coming to a close. 2019 has come and is already well on its way and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve accomplished everything I wanted to while we were here and away. My guilty conscience rarely gives me a break, but this strange sense of “what if” fomo has been giving me a bit of anxiety since we booked out flights home. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to be back in our house with our fluffy loved ones, even the chilly weather has a soft spot in my heart, but I can’t help but fear that I didn’t make the most of my time here with my family. Why do I feel this way knowing that we had the most wonderful time, made the most every moment, and are taking back some pretty epic memories. I mean sure, I could have used a few more beach days, but lets not get picky. Truth is there is simply a part of my brain that can’t help but wonder if I did my best, in these time sensitive situations. Probably the same part of my brain that tells me I’m not good enough on some days, or that I can’t do it, the part that often fears the future and sometimes regrets the past.

That little voice is there and I don’t think she’s going anywhere, but that doesn’t mean I allow her to power over me. It’s something I work on all the time. Sometimes it’s nothing taking a personal day watching housewives and eating copious amounts of chips can’t fix! Sometimes a little harder to find a release from. All I know is that living in the present, getting out of my own way (and off my own back) is the answer. Easier said than done, but writing these blog posts, putting thought (and neuroses) to paper, is probably what makes me feel best in these moments of interior chagrin. To be truthful, I don’t even think about any of you ever reading these most of the time. Knowing that if I did, I’d have a much harder time expressing myself and keeping my voice and words as honest as it is on this medium.

I’m sorry I often ramble, get off topic,  and that these posts have truly grown into having nothing to do with the photos they are accompanying…but I do hope that if you’re reading this you get that warm fuzzy feeling of not being alone. I often have a hard time relating to others, I find my weird neuroses to be a little too unique to identify with most of the time.  However, in those rare magical moments when I do, it almost feels like Atlas got a little help bearing the weight of the heavens on his shoulders for a bit…again I’m rambling, with my weird mythological references. All this to say that I hope that I can give you a semblance of these moments, perhaps save you the time it would have taken to sign up for Headspace…just kidding I heard meditation’s great don’t listen to cynical little me. Anyway, let’s finish this off by writing the advice I need to hear myself, and perhaps you’ll also find a use for…

Don’t be so hard on yourself and on every waking moment of your time. Listen to your body and your mind and indulge them in what they need. You are doing your best kid…and your best is pretty damn good.

Zara beanie, coat, and dress, Gucci sunnies, Dior “Saddle” bag, and Cartel boots.

Those Good Old Days

Montreal, Canada

Is it just me or does it already feel like our current snowy landscape has been around for an eternity. Winter has come folks, and I’ve grown so pale I’m blending into the background perfectly. With the exception of my nostrils of course which have been brutalized by tissues to the point where…let’s just say I could probably start raising money for HIV/AIDS research by selling them in their new colourway. I no longer remember a time where I could breath properly, or could climb a flight of stairs without being out of breath, and am constantly either hypothermic or sweating profusely without ever finding a happy medium. Remember when Joey’s weird roommate Eddie on Friends turned out to be a dehydrating maniac, well I’m pretty sure I could only feel dryer by living in his fruit torturing machine.

Ok you get it, I’m congested, thermally unbalanced, and in dire need of some kind of humid climate. It’s crazy how every year Winter surprises us Canadians as if we’ve never lived here before. I find myself saying “was it  this cold last year” on the daily, and don’t understand how my ancestors didn’t take mater into their own hands decades ago and move their future descendants to the Bahamas. Not sure if they were given options before getting on the boat from Ireland, but if they were, let’s just say they made a big mistake…HUGE. In these moments there are only so many things a girl can do. I’ve resorted to venting on the internet, spending most days in my basement playing Super Mario Odyssey, and reflecting on the good old days when the grass was still visible and not slowly dying under think sheets of powdered cold stuff. Speaking of which these photos, were taken in the end of September, where if I recall correctly, I began complaining about it being a little chilly. If only I knew then what I know now….

Christian Dior necklace, Balmain cargo vest, dress from Winners, Prada Cahier bag, and Tod’s creepers.

Marbella

Marbella, Spain

Hello my little chickens! I realize that these blog posts are getting fewer and farther between and it is something I’d love to rectify! I’ve noticed many of my favourite bloggers, the very same people who inspired me to start this little labour of love, also started concentrating their daily effort on Instagram rather than blogging and I was wondering how you, my readers felt about it. Do you enjoy getting a deeper look into my daily life and looks on social media and YouTube or do you miss the frequent posts on the platform that started it all? I’d love to know so please feel free to slip into my inbox or DMs and tell me your thoughts!

Now time to tell you about our time in Marbella. After a week of Ibiza EDM BPMs thumping in my brain 24/7, it was the vacation from our vacation we didn’t know we needed. We were originally supposed to only stay 4 days…which turned into 7 days…which turned into 8 when I accidentally booked an early morning flight thinking it was a late afternoon flight, only realizing my mistake while on our way to the airport. Whoops. Easy to say my family was thrilled. We finally took some time to be together and enjoy the beachside vacation we thought we were in for from the get go. I told you…I have tourist guilt or FOMO as the kids call it these days, so spending some time laying by the water was quite the feat for me. Also gave me a chance to wear the bikini/cover up combos I had curated for the vacation including this little overalls set from Zimmermann. One thing is for certain, the next time we visit Spain, and there absolutely HAS to be a next time, Marbella will be on my list…and probably for all of our future eurotrips to come until the end of time.

Don’t forget to check out our MARBELLA VLOG to see it all unfold!


Dior necklace, Zimmermann bathing suit and overalls, Goyard bag, and Gucci slip ons.