guilty conscience fashion blog

rag & bone

Walls

Miami, Florida

You could say I’ve kinda hit a wall as of late. Writing weekly entries on this blog used to be my escape, my favourite method of self expression, my way of speaking out on issues, or confessing all the big and little things in life that were and weren’t going my way. Now it feels as though I only speak of the weather. I use to share…I used to swear! This text used to feel more like my voice then when I actually spoke aloud. I’m not sure if I lost that because these posts became less frequent, and images started speaking my 1000 words on instagram, or if maybe I lost a bit of myself along the way, while trying to appeal to everybody from clients to my audience. All I know is I’d like to go back to those good old days. I’d like to talk to you guys like an old friend again. Admit all of my wrongs, my neurosis, my short comings, not just use these 200 words as an episode recap of what you missed last week on your favourite sitcom. Though I do want to bring back my Gilmore Girl-esque obscure references, from TV, film, and song that really brought together those who understood them. I want the words to flow out of me about everything and nothing the way they always seemed to before. Kind of the way they are now. I hope you guys enjoy this little renaissance, and don’t mind if I step back out of the box a little. Can’t wait to tell you how I’m feeling next week….but so far I feel fucking great.

FSTVL sunnies, Rag & Bone denim jacket, Reformation dress, Louis-Vuitton “Petite Boîte Chapeau”, and Prada platform wingtips.

Chubby

2015-05-24 at 11-00-54 Parrot Cay, Turks & Caicos

My Grandma called me chubby yesterday. Not as an insult, but as a kind of loving remark as she embraced me goodbye. It sucked. I’ve always prided myself, on being the girl that doesn’t order the salad at the restaurant, that can’t contribute to the conversations about spinning or whatever the fuck the next fitness trend is, by being the one that just doesn’t care. Still, my positive body image wasn’t strong enough to take a comment from my sweet elderly relative. On the ride home, I began to wonder what people saw when they looked at me, and if their perception different from my own? I kept showing my mother images of girls asking “is she chubby?”, “how about her?”, forming some sort of scale and placing my recently discovered stats within her answers. Even though comparing yourself to others, I know is never the answer. Was I so oblivious, that I was the last one to find out I was fat by society’s standards? That was my fear, even though I wanted so badly not to give a shit.

I always tread a fine line between embracing my body and the freedom that entails (CHEESEBURGERS), and the desire to be disciplined and healthy, to wear what I want every morning because fat days simply wouldn’t exist. But which is more important, my integrity or my health? Also don’t get me wrong, staying healthy is a priority, but juicing is rarely used with that as a motive if you catch my drift. Health is the alibi, but skinny culture is the true motivation. So what does a girl do? Shrug off the “chubby” comment, order pizza and call it a day, or finish writing this post grab some cereal and go run 3 miles?  Does loving oneself, mean allowing yourself everything, or allowing yourself what is probably best for you? I wish I could end this post with a definite answer, with a pizza or cereal, but I can’t. Today I am leaning towards discipline and that has everything to do with my grandma’s comment even though I wish it didn’t. I will be an anarchist of skinny culture that conforms for her own health and happiness, and that is ok. Here’s is the truth, no matter your size, there will always be sweet grandmas or judgemental assholes who will give you their 2 cents about the way you look. I guess the answer really is doing what makes you happiest, not what you believe is pleasing others. That goes for all of you juicers and cheeseburger eaters out there. This way the next time someone calls you chubby you won’t pretend you don’t care, you truly won’t give a fuck. On that note, here are some semi-clothed pictures of me! Ironic or perfectly fitting, I’m not sure, but I guess either way it makes sense. 2015-05-24 at 11-04-06 2015-05-24 at 10-59-23 2015-05-24 at 11-05-30 2015-05-24 at 11-00-19 2015-05-24 at 11-02-09 2015-05-24 at 11-05-49 2015-05-24 at 11-01-29 2015-05-24 at 11-03-10 2015-05-24 at 10-58-07 That was way more serious then intended

Ecua-Andino Panama hat, Alexander McQueen scarf, Ray Ban Clubmasters, H&M kimono, Victoria’s Secret bathing suit, Aurelie Bidermann cuff, Rag & Bone shorts, and Hermes sandals.

Getting My Fringe On

2014-09-28 at 10-02-59 San Francisco, California

On our second day in beautiful San Fran, we did what any curious visitor would do, and touristed it up a bit. The Walt Disney Family Museum was first on my list of course, followed by some Painted Ladies action, the Golden Gate Bridge, Swan Oyster Depot for some mollusk fun, and topped the day off with a magic show…yes a magic show! Personally, I find being a tourist incredibly fulfilling. Getting to check  historically relevant locations or architectural wonder off my bucket list, totally gives my OCD a  field day. If only the practice wasn’t associated with Hawaiian shirts, crocs, and visors. Today, I take a stand, never again will tube socks with sandals and questionable sunscreen application be synonymous with visiting culturally pertinent locals. Tourist shaming ends now!…as I do it wearing fucking fringe. BOOYAH!…is booyah still a thing? 2014-09-28 at 09-52-54 2014-09-28 at 10-00-02 2014-09-28 at 09-53-43 2014-09-28 at 10-05-34 2014-09-28 at 10-03-37 2014-09-28 at 10-07-47 2014-09-28 at 10-01-35 2014-09-28 at 09-56-08 2014-09-28 at 10-00-53 2014-09-28 at 10-05-06 2014-09-28 at 09-48-01 2014-09-28 at 10-06-08 Will What You Want…to fucking wear

Chanel scarf and shoes, Kate Moss for Topshop jacket, Zara shirt, Givenchy necklace, Sydney Evan (similar) and Cartier bracelets and watch, rings by Jacquie Aiche and Nasty Gal, Rag & Bone jeans (similar), and Balmain “Pierre” bag

Vintage Mouse

2014-05-30 at 13-36-16 Disneyland Paris

On our honeymoon we had no choice but to visit my absolutely favourite spot in the world to intensify the already blissful energy. Peter and I had visited all of Disney’s theme parks from California to Japan but had yet to complete our journey and visit Euro Disney together. It is official, we are the most culturally advanced Disney couple in all the land. Until Shanghai Disney Resort opens it’s doors in 2015 that is! Guess i’m planning another trip to China! 2014-05-30 at 13-38-04 2014-05-30 at 13-43-12 2014-05-30 at 13-37-23 2014-05-30 at 13-36-38 2014-05-30 at 13-38-16 2014-05-30 at 13-39-18 2014-05-30 at 13-38-00 2014-05-30 at 13-36-22 2014-05-30 at 13-43-04 2014-05-30 at 13-36-27 2014-05-30 at 13-36-59 2014-05-30 at 13-40-37 My only bridal Veil

Mickey mouse bride ears (similar), Tom Ford Campbell sunglasses, Vintage Chanel tweed jacket (similar), Mike Frederigo Karl Tee, Rag & Bone jeans, Vintage Hermes Kelly bag, Cartier watch, Moschino rabbit phone case, and Zara boots.